There have been countless blogs, articles, and books written on the subject of sex, a small portion of which I have even read. But interviewing these couples, there are four principles I think we all need to be reminded of and can start applying today.
Start with friendship. These couples laughed a lot together. Like… a lot! Before we even “popped the question” they were goofing around together. The husband would crack a joke and the wife would giggle, often throwing a playful, flirty punch to the shoulder.
Some of the couples referenced how they interact throughout the day, using their breaks at work to call each other or meeting for lunch. My intention for asking what they liked to do together was just to get them talking, but I learned a lot from their answers. Even in their busy lives, they made time for each other; their relationship was a priority.
What about you? Are you continuing to build a friendship with your spouse?
There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. – John 15:13
Stop comparing yourself to “them.” Don’t worry about how much other couples are doing it or how they are doing it. None of that matters. What matters is the needs of your spouse. Instead of focusing on everyone else, including yourself, focus on your spouse.
You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor. – Exodus 20:17
Start communicating. You won’t know what your spouse needs and what they like until you ask. If you have never had this type of conversation with your spouse, it’s probably going to be awkward. Don’t let that stop you! In fact, facing the awkwardness head on will show your spouse they are more important than how you feel and ultimately increase the intimacy in your marriage.
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. – 1 Corinthians 7:3
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. – Philippians 2:4
Start before you get in the bedroom. Without any prompting, the couples we interviewed sat close and held hands, wrapped an arm around the other, or rested their arm on the other’s leg. A husband put his hand on the small of his wife’s back as they walked up the stairs and as she passed him as he held the door for her.
Showing affection, especially publically, doesn’t come naturally to my husband. But he knows it matters to me so he makes it a priority. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a reminder on his calendar.
His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. – Song of Solomon 2:6
When we’re willing to put our needs and rights aside to meet the needs of others, God is glorified! And as Shannon shared Sunday, this applies to our marriages, even between the sheets. When God is the center of a marriage, it is evident. Let’s put these principles to work and show the world what God can do when we submit to Him and each other.