Personal Growth
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This Marriage of Mine

Mine!
Me have it!
Me like it.  I really do like it!

We hear these phrases a lot in our house.  Our sweet little girl that we are fostering has a unique way of asking if she can have something.  She doesn’t understand the proper way of asking for something is to say “Can I have this?”  or “I would like to play with this.”  She has a much more direct way of stating exactly what her heart desires.  She doesn’t want the potential to acquire these things, she wants these things to be her’s and that reality comes out in her words.

I go through life believing that I have a much more sensible way of living.  I delude myself into thinking that because I use better grammar and a larger vocabulary I strip away that selfish desire of me.

I got married because I love my wife.
My marriage is between me and my wife.
Mine!

I want my wife to respect and love me.
I want everyone to know I love my wife and to know that I cherish her.
Me have it!

The reality is that these are not bad things, it’s just a bad focus.  This marriage of mine is not mine alone, but for me to show the glory of God.  John Piper said in his book This Momentary Marriage:

Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married.

If I focus on what I’m doing for my marriage and what my marriage can do for me, then I’ve lost the meaning.  Timothy Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage said it this way:

The Bible teaches that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. That means that love is more fundamentally action than emotion. But in talking this way, there is a danger of falling into the opposite error that characterized many ancient and traditional societies. It is possible to see marriage as merely a social transaction, a way of doing your duty to family, tribe and society… By contrast, contemporary Western societies make the individual’s happiness the ultimate value, and so marriage becomes primarily an experience of romantic fulfillment. But the Bible sees God as the supreme good – not the individual or the family – and that gives us a view of marriage that intimately unites feelings and duty, passion and promise.

My marriage is not my own, it’s ours.  Melissa and I aren’t married to bring us happiness, she doesn’t complete me and I don’t complete her.  If we did our focus would be on a moving object.  Our walk with Jesus completes us, our marriage is an extension of that.  It is us trying to live out that perfect covenant we have with God and for us to show His glory. 

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

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My wife Melissa and I have two boys, Jack and Sam. I serve my church as a deacon and a fusion leader. I am a nurse at Tanner as the Stroke Care Coordinator. I love to go on dates with my wife, build Legos with my boys, and wrestle polar bears in my free time.

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