A few years ago, I told God I wanted to surrender, but needed His help. Little did I know my prayer would be answered on a Friday morning back in January of 2011. Here is an excerpt from my journal entry reflecting back on that morning:
In the past month or so I have spent so much time praying for God to move in my life. I have spent a great deal of time searching in the word for hope, wisdom, and truth about me. I had been led to memorize four versus that I repeated all day and all night for weeks. But this particular morning, the scripture, the praying was different. Sitting in my bed, I cried, I BEGGED God to have mercy on me. I prayed that the torment would stop and repeated those two desires over and over. I was loud, but I didn’t care if my neighbors heard me or not; I wanted it over. Lack of sleep and a very emotional morning, I was extremely weak and frail. I felt unstable. After a conversation with a friend, I lost it again. I found myself in my room, face planted on the floor. I cried, no, I wept and wailed. I had never felt this emotion. “Lord, I am broken and I just need help being put back together.” I had arrived at a place I had never been. On that day, I had hit rock bottom brokenness. It was messy, but beautiful at the same time as surrender was breaking through like light in a cracked pot and God began putting me back together.
James, the brother of Jesus, writes, “Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.” (James 4:2, NLT). R.A. Torrey writes in his book The Power of Prayer, “These seven words contain the secret of poverty and powerlessness of the average Christian, of the average minister, and of the average church. Why is it that I make such poor progress in my Christian life? Why do I have so little victory over sin? God answers in the words of our text, Neglect of Prayer. You have not, because you ask not.”
Prayer is not optional; it is necessary. Prayer is a direct line of communication to the Father. Prayer corrects drift in our lives, it centers our emotions and our heart, it’s brings balance in chaos. Prayer is one way the Spirit speaks into our lives.
In the season of my life where God was breaking me down, I was very vulnerable and open with God. I didn’t hold back and shared all that I felt in passionate expressions and gentle whispers. I want to encourage to do the same. As you pray, pray with fullness of emotion, expressing every bit of how you feel and allow His grace to rest on you. But also pray in a gentle whisper as you will feel His presence overwhelm you. Whatever you do today, PRAY! Whatever you do tomorrow, PRAY! PRAY!