“Lord, why do I continue to struggle? Is it because of all the wrong things I have done? Please Lord tell me how to get past this low feeling. How can I have the abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:10? What am I doing wrong? I cannot stop crying and I feel like I am never going to be good enough, and I will never get out of this eddy that I am in.“
I was not the adulterous women described in John 8. In fact, I believed I was much. The things that I have done were unspeakable. Surely there was nothing that could ever undo the ungodly things that were part of my history. Through my tears, my heart cried out to the Lord. Then the Holy Spirit whispered, “Read about Paul.”
As I poured through the scriptures, I read how Paul persecuted believers and made it his mission to end a new movement by putting to death followers of Christ. The, while traveling, he had an encounter with Jesus. After all that he had done, he was baptized and forgiven. 1 Corinthians 15:9-10a Paul writes; “For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.” (NIV)
My body cried out, “Lord how can you possibly forgive me?” While sitting and weeping in all my brokenness the Lord showed me Luke 7:41-43
Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?” Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.” “That’s right,” Jesus said. (NLT)
Jesus forgave me for all that I had done. Coming to grips with this truth, everything began to refocus in my life. I had to forgive myself so that I could move on and do great work for God’s kingdom. As I continued to cry my heart ached with all the pain that I had caused by the choices I had made. But the Spirit of the Lord spoke to me and said, “Don’t let any of this burdensome past haunt you anymore! Now you must forgive others in your life so that you can continue on freely without anything holding you back; so that you can be my child and truly LIVE!”
Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Dump the trash so you can carry the light load that Jesus has for you!
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1, NIV)
